Mom

I miss my mom. What can I say I am weak, sometimes I dont know what to do. You think I could be strong enough I mean I act like it enough but lets be honest sometimes i really do just want her back, sometimes I need her voice to tell me that it will be ok in the end. She had high expectations to me and to everyone and right now i am not living up to them this hurts more then anything else. I'll be honest the one sure fire way to make me cry is to get me to talk about her. She was my inspiration she was the one who got me to draw, who let me follow any passion I had except riding, I think cause it reminded her of her father. I wish she was alive even though from a young age I knew she was going to die, still I held on. You start believing that if you really need them they wont leave, I think thats what kept her going, even when she fell into a coma even when she forgot who I was.... I think there was something there. She had this uncanny ability to make people come together usually with drinks but still they got along. I wish I could know she was proud. One of the many reasons I will never have kids, besides for the safety of the world, is because I cant bear having them not know her. I know yeah stories and shit but that still doesnt make them real... I just want to make her proud... ok rant over.